Fifty Shades of Iridescent
by AZnativeJay32
Summary: "I feel like the sun has set and not risen for five days." - Our poor, poor Fifty... What does Christian Grey go through for these lonely five days after Ana leaves? (In Christian's POV) "T" for language. CURRENTLY ON HIATUS
1. Echos Awaken

**A/N:** Hello and Welcome to my first Fifty Shades story. This is my own version based on the aftermath of Ana leaving Christian for five days and what he goes through. Yes, I realize there are tons of other stories out there like this, already written and are probably better than mine. Not that I'm saying my story is "special" or "the best" or anything. Anyway, enjoy the story and feel free to either favorite, follow or simply leave a review.

**Update:** Some of you out there have probably read E.L James's new book "GREY". I have. Remember that this will remain and continue in MY own version.

**Chapter Soundtrack: **Obstacles - Syd Matters

...

**Iridescent:** (Adj) Showing luminous colors that seem to change when seen from different angles.

...

The bleak, gray dawn stretches out before me.  
I check the time. It's only just after 8:00 a.m.  
I decide to go for a run for I don't know what to do with myself.

I ache everywhere. My lungs are burning, my head is throbbing and the yawning dull ache of loss eats away at my insides. Unconsciously, I find myself running towards the Pike Market District and I know it's insane to do so but I do hope to see her. I pick up and push the pace I'm running. Raindrops fall from the darkened, clouded sky; reflecting the color of my tormented soul in this exact moment.

_Who are you fooling, Grey? You don't have a soul._

As I near her place, my heart races and my anxiety increases.  
I am desperate to see her. I try and convince myself that I'm just doing this to make sure she is okay. But that's not true... I _want_ to see her. I need to.

Crossing the street, I pause on the sidewalk opposite.

I look at her building and all is quiet. There's no sign of any life even from within her apartment.  
Maybe she's asleep... If she's there at all. A nightmare scenario forms itself into my mind. _She went out last night, got drunk, met someone..._  
Fuck! I feel nauseous.  
So, this is what jealousy feels like? It fills the violent gaping hole. _I hate it!_ It's stirring something deep within my psyche, somewhere that I really do not want to examine.

I take out the note she left me with the glider and read it one more time.

**"This reminded me of a happy time.  
Thank you.  
Ana."**

Pain rushes through me as our 'happy times' comes flashing back. Christ! This feeling is indescribable.  
She really is gone.  
_You brought this on yourself, Grey. Forget her. She's not for you_.

I stand still beneath the rain, hoping that I can forget her, praying the unwelcome water will scorch her out of my mind and wash her scent off my body.  
_Why is this so painful? Am I sick? I just don't understand. Why...? Why do I feel this way?_

My only remaining thought is that I will never see her again. _That can't be true!_  
For once in my life, it feels like my life's blood has been sucked away and I'm teetering on the edge of the abyss again, leaving me a truly empty shell of a man.  
The nagging pain in my gut expands, clawing at the boundaries of the raging meaningless hole in my insides.  
She wanted to forget me and I don't blame her.

Fuck it! I cannot run from this pain, though I am going to try.  
I run... harder... faster... away from _that_ memory... away from the pain... and away from Anastasia Rose Steele.


	2. If I Lay Here

**Chapter Soundtrack: **Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

...

The rain is pouring non-stop when I arrive home.  
Checking the time on my watch, it's nearly 9:30. My clothes are soaking wet, including my socks and shoes, but I don't care.  
I discard my clothing, not even bothering to put them into the hamper and hop into the shower.  
The water is hot. My bare skin is numb. I can't feel anything but the water trying to soothe my ache that is deeply tugging at me. I can't help but think of Ana.  
_Oh, how I wish yesterday could've gone differently... Then, she would be here with me._  
Soap, suds, steam and water can do little to wash away what I've done or how I feel. I never wanted this to happen. Is she safe out there?  
The thought alone makes my confidence crumble. I don't care enough to wash myself. I let the water flow over my body.  
Stepping out of the bathroom, I dry and put on my clothes. A black t-shirt, navy blue jeans and black socks.  
_Now what, Grey?_  
My piano. I contemplate whether I should play or night. Sitting down on the bench, I slowly trace the smoothness of the black and white keys. But nothing comes to mind. _Think, Grey! You've learned tons of pieces._ Still... nothing happens. I'm drawing a blank here. I've played for my pain, for many family and for Anastasia but I can't play for my loss.

"Damn it!" I exclaim, banging my fists the many keys which produces an out-of-tune chord. Covering my face with my hands, I sigh heavily, accepting defeat and stand up.  
I make my way towards what was Ana's room and sit down on the bed. It's so hard to believe she was here yesterday. Even though she didn't sleep here much, the room looked and felt much more brighter and livelier.  
_Now it's empty... Just like you, Grey._  
I've got to stop torturing myself. I leave the room and head to my office. Yes, working. That should be the distraction I need to take her of my mind.

I sit down and begin to work. Fifteen minutes pass by before I hear my stomach rumble and feel it constrict. Ah yes! Breakfast. "Good morning, Mr. Grey." Mrs. Jones greets me. I simply nod with a half-smile of my own. "What can I make you today?" She asks.  
A glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee. Scrambled eggs sandwiched in French toast." I say plainly.  
She nods and goes gathers the items. "Oh, and can you please bring it to my office?" Again, she nods, going about the task. I go back to my office and saunter into my chair, looking at my laptop. So many emails come and go.

Purchasing, shipping and catalogues of various items for Grey Enterprises. Emails to and from individual people. Companies too. All of which clutter my inbox. The ones that stand out the most are from Anastasia. I click and scroll through them, smiling.  
_What interesting conversations we would have._  
Mrs. Jones emerges with a white tray of my breakfast and places it on my left. "Thank you, Gail." I say politely. I sip my coffee first, still scrolling through the emails. Funny. The only fond memory I have of coffee now is when I took Ana out after my photoshoot during my stay at the Heathman Hotel. _How many weeks ago was that?_ Three and half? Maybe four? It feels longer than that. I turn my head to look out my window. The rain is ongoing and I have a ton of emails to work on but first... I eat.

...

Eight hours put into making phone calls and typing emails. Wow! I send the last email as my eyes set on my watch. 5:45 p.m. Can't believe I skipped lunch. A small snack, being a vine of grapes should do until dinner. Out of the corner of my eye, I take notice of some things on the far end of the dinner table. I inch closer and discover they're the items I bought, uh... well, "loned" to Ana.

The laptop, the Audi keys and the blackberry phone. I collect them and place them in my office beside my desk. This is as close as I am going to get to her now. _She wanted to get close to you, Grey. The tables are turned._

Ugh! If these thoughts would just go away. I fish out my phone and scroll through my contacts to find Dr. Flynn's number. I tap 'call'. It rings three times before he picks up.  
"Hello Christian." He answers.  
I sigh before speaking. "Hey Flynn."  
"Christian, what's wrong? Do you need to come in?" He asks.  
"Not exactly." I rub the back of my neck. "I need to schedule an appointment."  
"Sure. What date and time should I pencil you in?"  
"Monday at 2:30 in the afternoon." I state clearly.  
"Alright. I'll see you then, Christian." He hangs up.

Exasperated, I run my fingers through my hair. Gail suddenly comes into my office. She knocks on the doorframe to catch my attention.  
"Mr. Grey?"  
I look up. "Yes, Gail?"  
"Is there anything you'd like to eat for dinner?"  
"Chicken Alfredo and a glass of White Wine, please."  
And off she goes.

While dinner is being prepared, I peer over my inbox and then proceed to read the newspaper.  
I pick at my food. Even simply eating is now becoming a difficult task.

After dinner, I bid Gail and Taylor a 'Good night' and decide to read a book in my library.  
I have this animus feeling. Like I will see Ana in my home, walking back to me. She'll be here with me... safe and sound.  
Every corner I turn, every door I open, everytime I look in my peripheral vision.  
_Stop it, Grey! You're losing it. Get a grip._ I snort.  
Maybe it's the wine I had at dinner or the fact that I'm tired. I don't know which.  
I sit and lose myself in the books. _Like Ana would do._

It's a quarter past 8. I place a bookmark in the book and back on the shelf.  
I decide to go to my room for a while and lie down to clear my head. Opening the door, I walk to and lie down, not caring to change my clothes. I lie on my side, facing the window and gaze at the drizzling down rain that is now lightly sprinkling by the looks of it.  
Before I know it, I fall asleep instantly, unaware of the night terror that will soon follow.

...

He smokes as he stands over Mommy.  
I watch from my room.  
Mommy is sitting in the corner, hugging her knees.  
She is shaking alot.  
_Mommy, are you cold?_  
He bends down so he is small like Mommy.  
He yells in her ear.  
Mommy covers her ears.  
"FUCKING ANSWER ME, GODDAMN IT! WHERE IS IT?!"  
He grabs Mommy's neck. _Let her go. Please._  
He hits Mommy and something red drips from her nose.  
Mommy points somewhere then he walks away.  
She is crying now.  
I hear smashing. He comes back.  
He says something about money.  
Mommy looks at him again and he hits her again.  
She falls to the floor. She goes still. She doesn't get back up.  
He turns around and sees me. _Oh no. Please, no._  
_No. No. No. Don't touch me!_ I back away but he grabs my shirt. _Stop! NO!_  
I scream and cry for my Mommy.  
Something burns my chest. It feels like fire!

...

"ANA!" I cry out from my nightmare. My arms and legs punching and kicking an invisible force. I wake up, panting heavily as if taking my last breath. Sticky and sweaty, I sit up and cradle my head in my hands. _They're back... They can't be._ They seems stronger than the ones before.  
I clutch and rub my chest, then sigh in relief, making sure there's no pain, blood or other types of injury. Fuck! That cigarette felt so real. I look beside me at empty spot. _Oh, Anastasia, I need you._  
For a moment, I can just imagine her here. The light sound of her breathing. Not a twitch, not a spasm. Only movement is her chest slowly rising and falling. Looking so innocent, touchable and strong in some way. _My Ana. Only mine._  
Faint blue light covers the outside sky telling me it's still very early in the morning. Not after I dream those... 'things' will I sleep. I feel the need to play. I get up and make my way to the piano. The first melody that comes to mind is the Bach Marcello piece. I think Ana loves this piece. She only asked me to play it twice. The melody is simple, gentle, free sounding and it makes me wonder. I realize that I can now play. For my pain... for my Ana.

I play until I am calm and relaxed. Hmm. Maybe I should cancel my appointment with Flynn? Nah. I'm already paying the Doc enough as it is to listen to me. He's the only good therapist I've managed to find, let alone become one of my good friends.  
Without warning, I accidentally hit a wrong note. "Shit!" _Keep your focus, Grey!_  
I pick up the slow pace again from where I left off. Another mistake.  
Two.  
Three.  
"Fuck!" As before, I can't play now. _What the hell is happening to me?_ I try a different tactic. Making up my own melody as I go along, letting the music take control and fill the silence. It seems to go very smoothly. I play for a few more minutes before I decide enough is enough and head back to bed with hope that sleep will come peacefully.


	3. Glider Days (Part 1)

The Seattle morning sun rises for the first time. However, I feel no warmth. The light is not for me. Thank God I don't have to work today. It is officially "Day Two" without Ana. I deeply worry for her. Turning over, I lie on my back, hands folded under my head, staring at the ceiling. Everything feels like a dream to me and I can't wake up. _Your nightmares will definitely be sure of that, Grey. _I gaze onto the still empty spot beside me. Oh, if she was here right now, I'd be watching her sleep. She would smile when I would gently trace the side of her face. The softest skin the world at _my_ fingertips. Two bluest of the blue eyes would be waking up now. The most extraordinary color I've seen in someone. Then her voice… A sweet, calming voice that sounds like it was only meant for me to hear. Full of wonder, innocence and, dare I say, _love_?

I don't get it… I'm not one for feelings but I want to know why I feel this way. What is it about her that makes her so different? She was just like all the others- No, no, no! I don't ever want to think about her _that_ way. I hate that thought and hate myself for thinking about it. _Difficult, isn't it, Grey? You brought this on yourself._

But then at the same time, Ana said she loved me, that she'll never leave me. And yet… I never thought… she…

God! My stomach is twisting and knotting like I'm going to be disoriented. _What is that feeling?_

Idealy, my thoughts turn to her. What is she doing? How is she? Has she forgotten me? Is she with someone else? Christ! It's too painful!. As I lift myself from my bed to escape these thoughts, my foot kicks something that slides under the bed. I kneel down and reach for it. My eyes widen.

The Glider kit!

I smile. That day was special. One that will live with us forever. The day I introduced Anastasia as my girlfriend. I laugh fondly at the memory like it was just yesterday. It wasn't as difficult and scary to say the word "Girlfriend" as I thought it would be. To me, it felt so right. I'm so glad it did. Another first for me. God, I love that feeling!

Since I don't have work today, or tomorrow, it will be the best time to put the Glider together. But where? Ah, the hell with it! I'll make it in my office.

Okay, I admit some things may be looking up just a bit. I walk into my office and place the kit on my desk.

Taylor comes into view from the elevator. "Good morning, Mr. Grey." He greets with a rough voice. "Good morning." I return the greet. "Taylor, could you run out and get me some tools for a model kit?" He nods in affirmation and strides back to the elevator. "Wait!" He stops and turns to me, holding the doors open. "Listen very closely.. There is a hardware store near where Ana works. About two streets down from 'Seattle Independent Publishing'. If you see her there or anywhere around, I want a full report on her when you come back. I need to know how she is." Taylor nods again and releases the doors.

I return to my bedroom to shower, grabbing a plain gray T-shirt and navy blue jeans. Hopefully by the time I'm done, he will be back with a report. I am desperate to know. I, myself was thinking of going, but just imagining the worst possible scenarios to happen, I couldn't bear it. The thought of seeing her… with someone else… in public? Who knows? I certainly don't want to see it in person let alone hear it from Taylor. _Calm down, Grey. We don't know for sure._ Damn these thoughts!

The warm, hot water cascades down my body, onto my skin, releasing tension. I close my eyes and the hot steam envelopes all around me. I wash the shampoo suds on and off me, the water sending them down in little streams. I grab my towel and dry off, changing into my clothes.

My phone rings from the nightstand. I look at the caller ID.

_...Elena…_

I sigh deeply, shaking my head for answering the call. Let's just get the problem over with right now. I don't feel like talking that much.

"Is there a problem at one of your salons, Elena?"

"No, there is not." She states.

"Then why are you calling today? You usually fill in for someone at this time." Glancing at my watch, it's 10:05. Geez, how long was I in the shower? And what the hell is keeping Taylor?

"I called to see if you wanted to arrange a dinner meeting but I can sense you have other plans?"

"I don't have any plans, Elena, and I don't want to talk right now."

"Christian." _Oh great… Here she goes, ladies and gentlemen. _"I know you and you know me. I won't stop pestering you unless you tell me what's bothering you." _And there she went… _

Surpassing my urge to hang up, I know she's right. _Damn it!_ "She's fucking gone, Elena. Ana left me."

She is silent for a moment. "Oh no. When did this happen?" I can't tell if she really means that or she's just trying to be supportive. "Friday, two days ago."

"Don't worry. It'll be fine, Christian. I will find you a new submissive should you so desire."

Ugh! A _new_ submissive?! _Are you mad, woman?!_ There's only one person who I long to have again. The thought of touching someone else who's been touched that way is disgusting!

"No, Elena, I don't want another _'submissive' _". I scoff at the last word. It doesn't sound right anymore. _Anastasia is my girlfriend, not my submissive!_ Something deep within yells at me. "I need a few days to think about things." _You've gone to the dark place, Grey._

"Alright, Christian. The offer is still there for a new sub."

I run my hand through my hair as I hang up. Is there no way I can catch a break from anything?

The elevator bell dings. Taylor's back. Thank God! He outstretches his arm, handing me a small brown paper bag from the hardware store. I snatch it from him. "Do you have a report on Ana? Did you see her?" Taylor shakes his head. _Oh god… _

"No sir. I even drove around the store perimeter. I did not see her."

I can feel my heartbeat begin to quicken. My breathing begins to hitch slightly but I still manage to keep my calm. _Control, Grey. Control._ "Thank you, Taylor." He nods and heads for his office.

Okay, there's no report on her.. that doesn't mean she isn't out there somewhere. Well, at least I have something to take my mind off it… hopefully.


	4. Glider Days (Part 2)

**Chapter Soundtracks:**

She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5

You and Me - Lifehouse

Wherever You Will Go - The Calling

Give Me Novacaine - Green Day

Music. I need music to help me concentrate before I begin to start to build the glider. My iPod has thousands of songs. From 'Classical' to 'Soft Alternative Rock'. My own little musical getaway from the world.

Hmm... Maybe I should buy one of these for Ana. _But she's not with you anymore, Grey._

Damn!

Oh god, that feeling in my gut is rising again. It's twisting and knotting tightly. I feel like I'm going to vomit and my head is beginning to hurt. I go to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water and down the drink, standing still for a moment giving my body a chance to calm itself.

Why won't that feeling go away? I'm already in enough pain as it is.

I lean down into the sink and splash a handful of cold water on my face. _Breathe, Grey._ I almost feel like I can't.

I want her. I need her. I ache for her. My feelings have never controlled me before but then again, if they hadn't, I wouldn't have met the beautiful, delectable Anastasia Steele... Until she saw the horrible person I really am. The "person" that was doing the rational thing by trying to warn her off. Then, the irrational side told me we had a chance and I foolishly went along. Why should things change after such a long unhappy life? I have no one and no one wanted me. It had always been this way. Maybe I should die alone. I've been alone since the Crack Whore died when I was four years old.

My thoughts flow back to our conversation the night before she left...

_"I've fallen in love with you, Christian."_

_I sat there all night, cradling her in my arms as she slept. My eyes wide, looking straight out of the windows of Ana's bedroom. I never heard those powerful words ever spoken to me... But yet, I felt a twitch in my body when she said it._

_"No, You can't love me, Ana. No. That's wrong."_

No, no, no. It was too late for me to be loved. Not even an ounce. This is why I don't do feelings.

I have told myself so many lies, I don't even know what is real anymore. They're all so fucking mixed up, I can't even fucking see straight. A smirk of a smug-ish smile plays on my lips. _Learn to get your shit together, Grey!_

Taylor's voice interrupts my inner monologue. "Sir?"

I turn my head to him. "Yes, Taylor?" I ask.

"My ex-wife called. She needs me to pick up my daughter from school and take her to an appointment. May I?"

I nod and wave my hand, dismissing him. "Yes, go ahead. In fact, take the rest of the day off, Taylor. Spend it with your daughter."

"Are you sure, Mr. Grey?" He raises a brow at me.

"I'll be fine, Taylor." I reassure him. "I'll see you back here tomorrow, Monday."

"Thank you, sir." He starts towards the elevator and presses the call button. He steps in and descends from my home.

I head back to my office. I place my iPod in the speakers and press 'shuffle' wondering what will play first. 'She Will Be Loved' by Maroon 5 is the first track to blare out.

This is going to be a long day.

The glider is done. I zoom it through the air like a child would do. I wonder what Ana would say if I showed her this.

'You and Me' by Lifehouse begins a slow acoustic melody as I begin to daydream...

_"Ana! I made the Glider!" I rush to her._

Her eyes light up with the happiest expression I've seen on her. "Christian, that's great!" I take her hand, leading her to my study. "Come. I want to show you." I carefully pick up the glider for her to see. She takes it from my hands. "Wow!" She exclaims, twirling it around.

"Careful." I warn. I know she's being delicate with it but I feel the need to remind her.

She looks around my desk, then turns back to me. "There's no display stand or case?"

"No." I shake my head. "I'll see if any of my sources can make one however."

She sets it back down on my desk. I move behind her and kiss her as I wrap my arms around her. Her back to my front. "Thank you for the glider, Ana. It was very fun to build." I kiss her cheek.

She turns in my arms, face resting against my chest. "I'll never, ever forget that day."

"Neither will I, Ana. I promised you 'More' when you said you'll try."

"Christian...?"

I look down at her. "Yes, Ana?"

She smiles. "I'm glad I'm back."

I'm hungry. I glance at my desk clock. 2:42. Wow, concentration does pay off and time really does fly by. What should I have for lunch? Inside the fridge, I look for something easy to make or eat. Drinking is something I know I shouldn't be doing at a time like this. It would be way out of my control so I settle with the makings of a simple sandwich, crackers and a glass of cranberry juice.

As ever always, my thoughts turn to Ana. _Is she eating? What is she eating? What did she have for lunch?_

Her and her stubborn attitude of eating. Boy, I would get irritated easily. Maybe I should ease up on her. I can give her a break, can't I? After all, she is new to this lifestyle er... uh, _"was" _new. _Shit!_

There has to be a way to see her again. But I know I do need to give her time. Two days have gone by already. How long should I wait? I hate waiting.

Could I surprise visit? Her first day at work is on Monday... I suppose I can call or email her up and invite her to lunch? Dinner? As like a "Celebrate Your First Day at work" thing?

A ringing from my office catches my attention. I put down my sandwich. It's not my personal phone or the office phone. Ana's BlackBerry! The ringing goes dead and a ping appears. A voicemail notification springs up. _Who called?_

Picking up the phone, in the middle of the screen reads: **Missed Call from: Josè**

What does he want with my Ana? Probably heard that she's not with me anymore and is trying to take his chances. Hell no! Not on my watch! Out of curiosity, I listen to the voicemail:

_\- "Hi Ana. Josè here. I just called to let you know that the opening of my picture show is this Thursday at Portland Place. It will start at 7:30 in the evening but I suggest you get here early. See you there."_

Of course! I remember Ana telling me about this. She was nervous. Let's see... today is Sunday, her first day of work is tomorrow and the show is Thursday. That's plenty of time to give her some space before I ask. That's four days. _Gah!_ More waiting. I wonder what she's feeling about me. Will she even go with me? Does she want to see me?

Too many questions are happening for one day. Okay, I'll stick with this plan for now and leave the rest to details.

I've been too into my problems, I didn't even notice that my iPod was still playing. 'Wherever You Will Go' by The Calling is the next track to play. Hmm... seems like my music is trying to tell me something. Playing certain songs at certain times. Strange...

Whatever. Since I'm here, I might as well check a couple of emails. Going back to the kitchen, I bring my plate and glass with me. I switch off the iPod and do a little work.

When I look to the clock, it's now 5:10. Time to go running.

I am out on the streets, pushing myself to run faster, trying to get this pain out of me. My feet and legs ache, my lungs burn, but on I go. 'Give Me Novacaine' by Green Day is blasting in my ears and helps me to focus my energy. I stop at an intersection I know will lead somewhere to someone I know. I am hesitant. If I do, my pain will increase. The same even if I don't. _What do I do?_ No, no. Stay away. _For your own good, Grey._ I turn around and head home. I can wallow in my self-pity there.

Today was kind of a productive day and I am tired. Before I fall asleep, I shower and drink a glass of water. I set up my clothes for tomorrow and set my alarm. Off comes my shirt and pants, leaving me to sleep in my boxers. Ha! I remember when Ana wore my underwear. My sneaky girl.

Unfolding the covers, I crawl into bed.

...

I can't seem to fall asleep. I have been laying here for who knows how long, staring at the night sky beaming through my windows. I close my eyes, tossing and turning, repositioning my pillows, trying to get in a comfortable position. I was just about to fall asleep when I hear the sound of someone clearing their throat. I sit up, shit scared.

Ana!

"Relax, Christian. I'm here now." Her voice fills the silence in my room. There's enough light surrounding her figure which is leaning against the frame of the door. I can see her blue eyes glowing with the moonlight.

"Ana?" I choke out, after noticing my heart rate hasn't went down.

I watch as she makes her way to my bed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you." She sits beside me, close for me to touch her.

"A-Ana, what are you doing here? It's 2 a.m. You should be in bed."

"I know, Christian." She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. God, she's beautiful. "I've been thinking about, well... you and me. I had to come back. I love you."

I smile, placing a finger to her lips to quiet her. I hold out my arms to her. "Come here." I whisper. "Let me hold you, Ana."

"What about the contr-?"

"Hush. That doesn't matter now." I motion her into my arms. "This is our moment." I soothe.

She's in my arms. My Ana is home.

I peel her out of her clothing, leaving her in a white lace bra and underwear. I try and keep my cool. I just want to feel her body on mine. My eyes roam over her. We're both at each other's mercy. She wraps her arms around my neck, holding tightly.

Only now does it occur to me I only have my boxers on.

"Christian..." She breathlessly whispers.

"Hush, Ana." I bring my arms around her waist. Her scent fills my nose. My hands run down her sides then rests in the small of her back. I can't help the smile on my face when her hands move into my hair. "Lace is your thing, Ana." I gently pull her closer to me, needing friction. I have just enough energy to lift her chin with one hand. Looking at her face; her blue eyes, how soft her skin is, her lips forming a smile.

Lips. Lips. That's all I can think about her right now: Her lips.

"Ana, I lov-"

...

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

I am jolted awake and open my eyes to the dawn of light. I am lying on my side and discover I have my arms wrapped around a pillow.

_What the-?_ NO! NO! NO!

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I groan and sleepily rub my eyes. I reach out my hand to my phone and turn off the alarm. "Damn you!" I turn over in my bed, wanting to go back to sleep and continue my dream. _Does God not want me to be happy!?_

Fucking alarm!

I get up and shower, still pissed. My dream comes back to mind. At least it wasn't a nightmare this time. I think it was because of me almost running towards her apartment. _"I've been thinking about, well... you and me." _Could that be what she was doing yesterday?

I step out, dry off and put on my clothes.

Mrs. Jones is already in the kitchen. "Good morning, Mr. Grey. Breakfast today?"

"Yes. An omelette and coffee, please." I nod as I fiddle with my favorite tie.

I read the paper and drink my coffee.

After breakfast, I call Taylor who says he is on his way. Before I leave, I walk back to my office and grab the glider. This will help me get through the day. _In some way, Ana will be by my side._ I descend from my home to the garage. Taylor holds the door open to the black SUV.

"Mr. Grey."

"Taylor."

The whole ride there, my dream is the only thing I think about. The glider is cradled in my hand, never taking my eyes off it. Once I'm dropped off, I take the elevator to my office. I buzz Andrea on the intercom. She comes into my office.

"Yes, sir?" She has with her a pen and notepad.

"Please cancel any meetings and anything else after 1:00 this afternoon for today."

"Will that be all, sir?" She says as she writes.

I nod and she leaves.

The glider is placed beside my laptop. Like an idiot, I contemplate talking to it like it was actually Ana.

I focus and get as much work done as I can before my appointment. For lunch, I eat a chicken salad with grapes and an apple.

I wonder how Ana is doing on her first day. I stop eating. I should probably send her something. She did send me the glider. _But what can I send her? Hmm..._ I can probably send her flowers. That's somewhere along the lines of what she wanted from me. _Yeah, perfect start, Grey. _

It's now 1:40. I must be quick for my appointment with Flynn is soon. I finish my lunch first.

I quickly glance around my desk. In my bottom right drawer, I spy a pack of unused blank business cards. Suitable for messages. I pick up my pen and try to write something but can't... I'm drawing a blank. _Fuck! _I sit for what feels like forever.

Okay. No need to go overboard here, I just need to keep it short, simple and to the point. I don't want to overwhelm her. After all, like I said, it's her first day. I write:

_**"Congratulations on your first day at work. I hope it went well. And thank you for the glider. That was very thoughtful. It has a pride of place on my desk.**_

_**Christian."**_

I call Taylor to pick me up, then Flynn to let him know I'm on my way. I walk out of my office to Andrea's desk.

"Andrea." She looks up.

"Call a good florist and order two dozen white roses. Long stem. Thorns removed. I have a message to go with them. Please have them delivered to Anastasia Steele's home address." I hand her the card.

Home is best. Ana can do whatever with the flowers. More space for them there instead of her office. I hope to God she accepts.

When I am done, I note it's already 2:15. I step in the elevator. I best be on my way.

**A/N: I know some of you have probably read the new book "GREY" from EL James. I have. I am still going to continue to write this in my POV, though. I feel like there's so much more to tell in Christian's POV.**


	5. Shades of Feelings

**A/N: Christian's long awaited session with Flynn. I tried my best to write him. Sorry if I butcher his character.**

**Chapter Soundtrack: **Square One - Coldplay

I am standing outside Flynn's office, taking in a breather. _Showtime, Grey._ I knock three times. _Maybe not... _

"Come in." I hear his thick British accent say behind the door.

I turn the knob and enter.

Flynn is sitting at his desk, finishing typing something up it looks like.

"Ah, Christian, you've arrived. Please, sit." He extends his arm to the couch. I do so without hesitation, anxious to even speak.

"Just give me a few minutes..." He gets up, walking towards one of his many file cabinets beside his desk.

Probably getting _**my **_file, I assume. _You're one to talk, Grey. He doesn't know what you've been up to since we last spoke._

I run a hand through my hair. How many times have I done that in the last few weeks? How am I not bald yet? I sit twiddling my thumbs, trying to work out what to say... Or how to begin.

I didn't even notice Flynn offer me a glass of water until he said my name. "Christian?"

"What?" I turn my head. "Oh! Sorry." I take the glass. I take a large gulp before I set it on the table.

He clears his throat as he sits down in his chair. "Ahem". Then, he opens my file and shuffles through the papers of notes and charts. He furrows both eyebrows. "So..." He speaks. "I do hope you've made some progress last time you were here."

Tsk. I remember that. Always telling me, _'Move forward in your life. Look at the positives' _and other shit like that. Still kinda sounds made up to me. Now I'm having my doubts.

"Well..." My hand makes its way to the back of my neck, scratching idly at a nonexistent itch. "More or less."

"Really?" His eyes light up. _Oh crap._

"Yes." I nod.

"With your family?"

I tilt my head with a small nod. "In some areas. But most recently, with a sub... I mean 'girl'." _Shit!_

"Okay. We'll get to that later but I want to hear the progress you made with your family." His hands steadily grip the pen, eager to start writing. It has been the subject he's long awaited to hear about since forever and the one I mostly try to avoid half the time.

"You see, that's the thing, Flynn. I only had that progression _**because**_of that girl." I empathize the last few words.

"I see." He scribbles on his notepad. "Tell me more about this _'girl'_." He brings the tip of the pen to his chin. I glare at him for the way he said 'girl'. I'm even mad at myself for saying it like that too.

"Her name is Anastasia. She came to interview me for a college newsletter for Washington State. When she left, I felt the need to see her again. There was something about her I can never figure out. You know how I am, living my private life, trying to avoid confrontations. The more I dodged, the more distant I became. Getting that feel of every detail in my control and focusing that energy."

Flynn continues writing...

"But then, Ana came along..." An odd sensation came upon my lips as always at the sound of her name rolling off my tongue. "... and I tried to fix my attention on her. I lost all control when I realized she was someone I didn't want lose."

He asks the 'magical' question of Therapy 101. "And how did that make you feel?"

My mind casts back in time, reliving all the strange new feelings after she did leave me. _The regret, failed dreams, broken promises, lost wishes._

Something inside me scoffs. _Yeah, like you had any of those at all, Grey..._

"If she hadn't come along... I just-..." I sigh. "I always think about what could have been if she hadn't entered my life, like... I'm missing out on something _real_."

He nods. "Do you think life would be better or worse?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. I can never decide on that. I know that I wouldn't be here right now, in any sense."

Flynn doesn't say anything so I continue on. I take a sip of water.

"I found out where she works and dropped by for an innocent visit. I wanted to spend more time with her so, with help from her friends, we arranged a photo shoot. I invited her out for coffee after. I believe this was where I had to let her go but I felt like I've been given an opportunity. A few days later, she got drunk, called me and I went to pick her up. On that night is where I counted a 'first'. The 'first' I've slept in a bed with someone. We just slept. And you know something, John? For once, I never felt at peace. I slept so soundly and no nightmares occurred."

"No nightmares?" His voice in disbelief, both eyebrows raised.

I nodded. "I thought to myself.. 'If I want to keep her, I must show her who I am'. I went all out and flew her in my helicopter to Escala. I showed her everything: The NDA, my playroom, her room, the rules. Only then did she reveal to me that she was... a... virgin. I was in complete shock. Her inexperience was a refreshing feeling, however. All my other subs knew what was expected but with Ana; something new happened everyday. There was so much to learn about her so I took it upon myself to foresee and begin her training."

"Interesting. In other words, you took her virginity." Flynn states matter-of-factly.

"Yes." _When she became 'Mine'._

"So many events happened after. She met my mother the day after. At her graduation, she told me she would 'try', then I met her step-father. I introduced her to my father, brother and sister when my mother invited her to dinner. When she went to Georgia, I flew there to visit Ana and that's when I finally met her mother. We went gliding the next day. I did so much. We both promised each other we'd try as a couple things were still new to us. We've been in the playroom twice, though. I was worried that I would hurt her."

"I can't say I'm surprised, Christian. So, how is this relationship progressing so far?" He flips to the next page in his notepad.

_Fuck. We hit the deep end._

"She left me. I don't blame her. I never will. It's my fault." I rub my face with my hands.

"Christian. I've never heard you talk about anyone like this with much enthusiasm. You told me of progress I never thought you'd do but now I think you're heading back to square one of how your life was before. Tell me what happened."

It was this point did Flynn stop writing. His notepad and pen on the table in front of him. One leg crossed over the other. Hand balled into a fist under his chin.

I stand up, walk over to the windows and stare out at the view. The tall buildings, in the direction where Ana lives. The pale blue afternoon sky colored like her powder blue eyes.

"I made a mistake. One I was too foolish and selfish to think about twice before I did it. Something that made me realize that maybe we really were incompatible after all. I can't bring myself to accept that thought. I want to try again with her. I pushed her beyond her limits with punishment."

Perhaps I've said too much. Flynn gives me an intense stare. _What the hell is he thinking?_

"Tell me are you still playing your piano as a form of escapism?"

I chuckle and turn around. "It's the only one I've got."

"How's home life? I mean, with her gone?" A quick change of pace. Good idea. We've been on the subject for quite sometime. He goes back to note taking again.

"Things at home are... weird. I try to get out more since she left. It doesn't take much to push me into doing anything these days."

_All you do is wallow in your self pity and kick yourself when you're down, Grey. Please oh please, tell us something we haven't heard yet._

"Looks like Ana was an improvement to your mental health. I trust your physical health is the same way, yes?"

I scratch my cheek and cross my arms. "I'm healthy, Flynn. I run in the mornings and evenings, I go to the gym." _Even my nightmares help me sweat at night. _I haven't told him about those yet.

"Have any of these recent events cause you to act out in any way?"

"A little." I say with a small shrug of my shoulders. "My staff at home and work seem to notice it. I'm trying not to be an asshole here but my anger just comes out. This 'Ana' situation is-... I mean, I don't want to fuck it up. Like you said 'Focus on the positives'. She was it."

I can tell from his facial expression he's having a field day with this. Simply because I told him of me following his advice.

"Then I either wake up or come home and she's not there, the silence I have to endure and last but not least, my nightmares are back." I throw my hands in the air.

"Do think perhaps you've taken on too much, too fast?"

I sit up. "I think I have. Holy Shit!" My eyes widen at how much me and Ana been through. "But I'm a glutton for punishment."

Flynn smirks with a half smile and a raised brow. "Evidently."

I mumble to myself. "Can't do right for doing wrong." I sit back down on the couch.

"We all have our own vices, Christian." He looks at me. He's going to elaborate to justify his response. "We all do what we feel we need to survive... and that comes in many forms. Most people are doing things they don't agree with, just to keep paying the mortgage, or to hold on to the fancy car for a little longer. Others get into debt just to keep a roof over their heads, or perhaps fund a life they feel they need to have..."

I know he means me at that last sentence.

"Some people end up doing drugs because they can't function without the high, others lie compulsively because they can't handle their own reality... So, you're not abnormal in the sense that you're doing what you need to survive on a personal level. It's just that your life has lead you to the extreme ends of the spectrum. You're only significantly different in that your choices impact many more people than just yourself, but life forces us into to a lot of things, just to keep living, and stay sane. It's human nature. Everyone is fighting their own battle. Everyone has their own personal definition of normal. I'm not going to try and stuff you into a box, with a label on."

I sit taking this all in, finishing my glass of water. _What's half of it got to do with me? Those other people aren't me. _

Flynn sighs deeply. "My job isn't to judge you. It's to try to help you come to understand yourself so that you can see the consequences to yourself and others. Which, I hope in time, will override your urges to do wrong, and help you make better life choices. Be more mindful and have more control over yourself."

"God knows I could use a little more control in my life." I say, deadpanned.

He looks back down at his notes. "Are you keeping in touch or had any contact with her lately?"

I shake my head. "I haven't spoken to her. I'm giving her and myself time. Before I left work, I did send her flowers. Today is her first day at work. I'm hoping to take her to her friend's picture show this Thursday."

"Aha! It's pure instinct, Christian. You feel the need to protect her, as you feel it's your duty, but the only way to have her learn is by letting her fall."

"I definitely know you're right. She kinda said the same thing to me. It's hard for me to stand back and think about her in all these wrong situations. I want to make everything right for her. I want her with me and me with her."

"Of course." He agrees. "It's harder for you since it seems you obviously like to be in control of what really matters to you. Having the option of control taken away from you is suffocating."

_Ding, ding, ding! Step back, we have a winner!_

"You did tell me you'd both try with each other. She's new to _your _particular lifestyle."

His gaze fixes to the clock. So does mine. Jesus! We've nearly gone over the hour. It's 5 minutes to 3:30.

"We're almost out of time, Christian. I want you to try your best to filter out the trivial things. Learn to take a deep breath and think, 'Is this something I can possibly try with her?' and let things go when you can. I know it's a hard thing to do, impossible sometimes, but if you try you might learn to compartmentalize things a little easier and that might help you in the long term."

There he goes with the psycho-babble again. I hold my tongue. "I'll do my best, Doctor." I shake his hand before I leave.

"Like I said, Christian, 'Don't dwell on the negative. Dwell _**in **_possibility.' " He says as I open and close the door.

I am dwelling in the possibility of seeing Ana on Thursday thanks to the photographer. I make my way down the stairs from his office and to the SUV. As Taylor speeds into the highway, I look to the fast, passing world out my window, silently praying that these final three days go by quick.


	6. Three Nights (Part 1)

**A/N (1): Okay, so this chapter is not as long as I planned it would be. Anyway, please enjoy and forgive me for the long wait in the update. Oh! I will be somewhat updating the past chapters to include music to go along. Look out for those...**

**Chapter Soundtrack: **Iridescent - Linkin Park.

When I reach home, it's nearly 4:30. I am hit with a sudden rush of fatigue. I am tired but I'm not sleepy in the most sense. I just want this day to be over with. Then the next. Then the next. I have no desire to go back to work today. I text Andrea.

I'm just tired of everything.

**Tired of running...**

**Tired of aching...**

**Tired of waiting...**

**Tired of emptiness...**

**Tired of the silence...**

Hell. I'm even tired of _myself_.

I make my way to my piano. I feel like playing but I feel nothing. No desire. No feelings. I am empty. Will I make it through the final three days? Ah, life before Ana. It's not as simple as I remember.

I walk into my closet and pick out a simple white t-shirt and dark gray pajama bottoms. I catch a look of my reflection in the closet mirror. How do I look now? Like an empty page in an open book. Color me so vividly.

_Oh, Ana. What have you done to me?_ I monologue against my own reflection. I shake my head.

_Don't do that!_

_You did this to yourself!_

_She doesn't deserve you!_

_She doesn't belong with... YOU!_

_Stop! Stop it!_ I hastily leave my room before I break my mirror with my hands which are tightening into fists at my sides. As I look around my empty home, I realize I have nothing to do or look forward to.

_'Home?' _Really, Grey? This is a "Fortress of Solitude". My Ivory Tower has suddenly collapsed.

I wander around my place searching for ...what? I don't know. I find myself at the door of my playroom. Unlocking the door, I step in and stand in the middle of the room. Just nearly four weeks ago, this is where we began... and ended.

But this is where... I found Ana. I found myself. My firsts. Her firsts. Our bodies... Where we belonged. Here. Together.

_"...I'm fully aware that this is a dark path I'm leading you down, Anastasia, which is why I really want you to think about this..."_

She really thought about it, alright. And I was the one who didn't. Too caught up in myself to even notice.

My fingers trace over the belt I used on her.

_"...It's about gaining your trust and your respect..."_

Yeah, and I broke it. After the "More" I promised her and the fact that I'd try. I had taken what the two of us had spent the last few weeks building: Trust. Our relationship. And I threw it into the darkness for one moment of weakness. I abused it. That hurts more than anything.

_Hell! _This is making me nauseous again.

Shaking my head, I head back out, lock the door and just sit on my sofa and gaze out of my windows. The mid-evening sky turns cloudy and gray. _More rain? _I can feel my stomach growl, but I'm not hungry.

I know I will never get used to this feeling. But, it will be over once the next three days have passed. _Please._ I can't escape Ana anywhere. Not my thoughts, my dreams, or my pain.

From the corner of my eye, Taylor approaches. "Mr. Grey."

"Y-Yes?" I can barely find my voice.

He stares at me before speaking again. _Is something wrong with me? Is it that obvious?_

"I thought you might want to pursue the situation regarding Miss Leila Williams."

Fuck! I've completely forgotten her. I do worry for her.

My mind is already wrapped around another certain situation with another girl... So much is happening. I can't catch a fucking break!

"I'm not in the mood, Taylor. Call and inform Welch and have him report any findings to you."

He nods before he exits to his office.

Seeing Flynn has somewhat helped me to a certain extent, I guess, but not fully. There is one little problem. What I fully don't understand is _**why **_this is affecting me. I know miss Ana. I know she was different in many ways. So very different from my other Submissives, although she never actually did sign the contract. Ana was practically all of their opposites.

Hmm... Well, there is that saying that "Opposites Attract".

She isn't impressed by money or material possessions. The books, first off...

_-Meaningful? Yes. _

_-Too much? I don't know._

She wanted to pay me back for the new clothes I bought her the night at the Heathman. She wanted to pay for the breakfast at IHOP. Nor did she take my private company jet to visit her mother in Georgia. But she did keep the Audi, the BlackBerry and the Laptop.

_Shit! _We did agree those were on loan. Should I have said for the books to be on loan too?

The other Submissives loved to spend my money. I'd give them a budget of money and they could name whatever they wanted from wherever in less than 10 minutes and BOOM! It's in their hands.

I had to chose the clothing for her. I doubt Ana fully knows what "Designer Clothing" means. I'm happy to choose for her. _For my eyes only..._

An earlier conversation comes to mind from my brother, Elliot...

_"Man, I'm a love'em-and-leave'em type, Ya know that. No strings. I don't know. Chicks find out you run your own business and they start getting crazy ideas."_

Ana never got any "crazy ideas".

Ugh! This is so confusing! I need some sort of distraction. Heading into my library, I pick out a book by random choice. Hmm.. How come I've never bothered to show Ana this room? She loves books. I spy the "Tess of The D'Urbervilles" copies I replaced. My finger traces over the leather cover. Has Ana read the books?

Maybe she threw them away after she left me. _She's forgetting me... _

I return the I book I have to its place and take the D'Urbervilles instead to read.

_I don't want her to forget me... and I her._

Mrs. Jones walks into the kitchen as I leave my library.

"Good evening, Mr. Grey. Dinner?" She says as she ties her apron on.

I nod and reply. "Yes. Um..." _Shit! _What do I want to eat? Come to think of it, I haven't really felt hungry even though I can't stand to feeling of not eating. "J-Just a- Uh-... Umm-.. Just prepare something simple and light, please." That's all I can manage to say.

I notice she has a distinct gaze at me but she continues to go about her task. "Okay. It will be about 45 minutes or so." She fiddles with pans and silverware and takes various ingredients from the cabinets. I time it on my watch.

Book still in hand, I enter my entertainment room and switch on the TV to whatever channel. I lower the volume to barely audible as a voice in the background while I read.

Opening to the first page, I start...

...

I read at least the first 10 pages or so before my watch goes off, signaling dinner is ready. I switch off the TV and fold the corner of the page I'm on. Mrs. Jones has made pasta noodle salad with a topping of sprinkled parmesan cheese, spinach and italian dressing.

"A drink, Mr. Grey? Wine or perhaps some juice?" She asks.

"No. A glass of water is fine, thanks." I sit down to eat.

"Very good." She takes out a glass and pours.

About halfway through my dinner, I note I have barely made a dent. I hate waste but I still continue to eat, knowing I might regret it later.

Moments at my pace, I finish dinner and drink the rest of my water, then put the culinary in the sink to be washed.

Bringing my book out, I decide pick up reading where I left off on my sofa. I hear sudden small tappings on my windows and the distant, but quiet, rumble of thunder. It's raining... _again. _That's fine. I wasn't planning on going running today anyway.

Watching the rain, I focus to the direction of Ana's new place.

_Oh, Ana. I hope you are looking back at me, too. _

God. I can just imagine her lying on her bed, curled up into a small ball, missing me. _Yeah. I miss you, too, baby. _The rain drops on my window slowly stream down, reminding me of something. _When she left... Tears... So many tears._

An unwelcome thought enters my mind. _Oh no... She's probably crying. _I feel so uncomfortable.

I opt to watch some mindless TV seeing as I have nothing else better to do. Flipping through channels, I settle with the evening news.

Sometime soon, my body catches up with my exterior feeling of fatigue. I see it's now 8:05. First, I walk to my study and turn on my laptop, checking my inbox. There is at least 20 emails or so that I have to answer. I search through them, scanning the names, hoping one will be from Ana thanking me for the roses or at least something from her.

Fuck! _Nothing._ I'll deal with the rest of the emails in the morning... or afternoon.

Once again, I bid a "Goodnight" to Taylor and Gail.

Fucking hell!I absolutely dread going to bed.

_What will it be tonight? A nightmare? A dream? Or a dreamless sleep? Someone place a bet already!_

One night down. Two more to go. The days are short but the nights will be long. I crawl into bed, lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. Listening to the gentle pitter-patter of the rain, I breathe at a calm pace hoping if I am at peace, I will be able to sleep. _In. Out. In. Out. In. Out._

I close my eyes as I hear a small rumble of thunder.

...

Mommy! Mommy!  
I run to my Mommy. She is in the kitchen.  
She smiles. And sings.  
I jump and dance for my Mommy. She is happy.  
Like me.  
Mommy is Ana. Pretty Ana.  
She takes care of me. She is good. And kind.  
She gives me a toy car to play with.  
And a heli-cop-ter. And a boat.  
Today we are not hungry. We have food.  
Lots of food.  
There is bread. I like bread. It is soft to eat.  
There is straw-berries. I eat the straw-berries. It is good. And messy. And the juice is sticky.

There is chicken with lettuce. Lettuce is green and crunchy.

I see a muffin. They look like small cakes.  
I eat. I eat alot.  
Ana eats too. But she eats slow. She looks sad.  
I hear a pounding on our door. Oh no. _**Him**_. Please. No.  
Mommy gets up. She goes to open the door. He is here. I hide behind the chair.  
"What's this?" His voice is mad. Scary Mad. "You havin' a fucking party here?! You need to make me FUCKING MONEY!"

Mommy tries to run. He grabs her arm. "DON'T YOU FUCKING RUN FROM ME!" He yells. Loud. "You need a punishment!"  
I hear the buckle of his belt. He takes off his belt. Then folds the belt.

Mommy screams. And cries. I cover my ears.

He hits her. Hard. I count.  
One.  
Two.  
Three.  
Four.  
Five.  
Six.  
He grabs her arm again. And leaves. He leaves with Mommy.  
And I am alone. All alone.

Without Mommy.

Without Ana.

...

**A/N (2): I don't know if you noticed but Christian's nightmare was based off some things in Book 1. In a way, Christian sees himself.**


	7. Three Nights (Part 2)

**Chapter Soundtracks:**

Finding Myself - Smile Empty Soul

How to save a Life - The Fray

I leap myself awake for what seems like the millionth time. A sharp, crack of thunder roars as a flash of lightning accompanies.

Frantically, I search my surroundings, panting heavily. Okay. I'm in my room. In my bed. _Calm down, Grey. Deep breaths. _My body is completely caked in sweat as is my pillow, blanket and sheets. I wipe the sweat from my brow, rising up from my bed.

My bedside clock reads 12:32 a.m. I've been asleep for 4 hours.

Turning the lights on, I'm momentarily blinded. _Shit! That's fucking bright! _I turn one of them off. My eyes adjusting to the dim light. The bathroom mirror shows my hair is damp and wet. My t-shirt drenched only from the chest down and on my back too.

I peel off my clothing. On the towel rack is a washcloth. I reach for it and run it under cold, cool water. I compress it, ridding of excess water, over and over before I use it to wipe myself down. My face, neck, chest, abdomen, arms, back and legs; Stopping every now and then to rinse the cloth.

Hanging the cloth back up to dry, I return to my underwear drawer and pick out new boxers to sleep in. Just boxers. I scoop up my sweat drenched clothing and pile them into the laundry.

Walking further down the corridor and stairs, I turn on the lights in my kitchen. I find a glass and fill it with ice and water. Downing half the glass, I refill and head back to bed.

I pull the main bed covers over the sweat on my side and switch to the other side of the bed, where Ana slept. Her scent is gone. No...

Jesus! That was the most horrible dream I've ever had. Never EVER would I think to dream that. How did I dream that?

Ana... _Being hurt._

_How will I be able to sleep after that? _She's been hurt enough and I had to experienced it first hand.

_What the fuck have you done, Grey?!_

The dream replays in my mind. The worst one yet.

Something in my throat rises, feeling like I'm being choked and can't swallow. My breathing shutters. My eyes filling with tears. As I try to blink them away, a few stray tears stream their way down on each side of my face. The pain in my gut is tightening worse than ever.

_What the fuck?! Am I... crying?_

Okay! Fine! Fuck it! Fuck it all!

I let the tears flow freely. It feels so good to do so. The raindrops on my window reflecting my mood.

Wiping the tears away, I lift myself from my bed and head upstairs to what was once Ana's room. Her room is dark and bare. _Like me._

My hand sweeps over the wrinkled sheets of her body outline. I let my body collapse onto her bed where she'd lay. Miraculously, her scent is still there. I inhale deeply. _Mmm..._

I fall asleep, clutching her scent filled pillow close to my nose as if I'm holding Ana.

...

I wake from a dreamless sleep, thank god.

I decide not to head into work today and instead choose to work from home. Lifting myself from the bed, I make my way to my room and change into my morning running gear. But I'm not going for a run. I try for a walk. _Try..._

Dawn peaks over the Seattle skyline. From last night's rain, a thick fog covers the city. The smell of rain still lingers in the air. The streets are somewhat empty. Vehicles roaring up and down, here and there. The occasional morning jogger, dog walker and fellow businessmen and women going about their day.

It's still cold a bit. Luckily, I have on a jacket. I zip up a little.

Something calls to me... A certain path.

Yes. I'll go. Without question, I blast into a full sprint to Ana's apartment. _I have to... I need to..._

I don't stop. My legs are burning, but I can't stop until I reach her place.

Soon, I'm there. Her apartment. It looks empty. _Maybe she moved? _No. She can't! She couldn't! She wouldn't!

I stare at the building windows. The last time I was here was when she sent me that 'Nice' email.

The curtain is open but the lights are off. She must still be asleep. Maybe when she wakes, she'll look out the window... and see me and I'll see her! I focus my gaze as if I can will her out of bed. I close my eyes.

_I'm here, Ana. Only for you... Please... Wake up... and look out your window..._

My phone rings. _Holy shit!_

I fish out my phone from my pocket, hands trembling. My breathing shaky. I open one eye to look at the caller ID...

Taylor. _Damn._

I roll my eyes, answering the call. "Good morning, Taylor."

"Good morning, Mr. Grey."

"What is it?" My voice, stern and somewhat angry.

"I'm going to be a bit late by an hour or so. It's about my daughter. She's-..."

I cut him off. My voice, softer. "That's fine, Taylor. I'm working from home today. Take all the time you need with your daughter."

"Thank you, sir."

I hang up.

The sun has risen higher. It's almost 8:00. Taking one last look at Ana's window, I jog back home, wondering if she saw me while I had my eyes closed.

...

Once I'm home, Gail catches me asking my preference on breakfast. I'm not very hungry that much, settling for something simple, again.

"Toasted bagels with cream cheese and coffee, please."

In my closet, I quickly search for a change of clothes and head to the shower. I frantically shampoo, lather, scrub and rinse myself, wanting to spend little time alone before my dark thoughts kick in.

I dry and change into a modest gray button up shirt with a white t-shirt underneath and black jeans.

I gotta focus today. No more sulking and wallowing!

First, I shuffle through the emails, which have increased by at least 5 more. Enough to keep me distracted. I send the 3rd email before Gail shows and announces breakfast is ready.

"Please bring it to my office." I say, clicking on the next email.

She comes back with a tray.

_Mmm. Looks delicious. _I bite into one bagel and have a sip of my coffee.

I hear the distant 'ping' of the elevator and the doors open. Taylor is here. I walk out to greet him.

"Taylor." I say.

"Sir." He nods.

"Taylor, have you informed Welch of Leila?" I ask.

"Yes, sir. This is all he found on her." He gives me an envelope. "And... Here is the newspaper."

"Thank you." I place the newspaper on the coffee table to be read this evening.

Before I read Welch's findings, I finish my breakfast and finish answering the remaining emails.

...

Holy Hell! If this isn't a productive day's work, I don't know what is! It's almost 2:00 and I'm exhausted! The last email is sent. Now, I can turn my focus to Leila. I open the envelope and peer over the highlighted ink.

_Hmmm. _Okay. Russell Reed..., Married in October 2009 to Leila. No exact date. _How come? _Divorced recently on March 12, 2011.

I need to call this "Russell" guy. I dial his number and anxiously wait for him to pick his damned phone up. I count 5 rings before he answers.

"Hello?"

"Russell Reed, I assume?" I ask.

"Yeah? Who's this?" He sounds tepid.

"I'm looking for Leila Williams. I need to speak with her. This is her brother." I don't want the fucker to know who I am and I intend to keep it that way.

"Well, you're a little late. We're divorced." He grumbles.

"I see." I do another quick glance at the info. _Compare and contrast, Grey._

"When did you two get married?"

"We met in Vegas at a club. Of course, we were both drunk, but come on...! It's Vegas!" He chuckles.

_Yeah, yeah, buddy. Gambling, Casinos. Blah, blah, blah. _I'm surprised it wasn't in Atlantic City.

"She walked up to me and told me that I reminded her of someone she knew. She kept saying that she wanted 'more' from me. I didn't know what she meant so, the next thing I knew, we were in a chapel, getting married."

_Oh shit! Leila, what the fuck?! _There's that haunting word again. _'More'._

"We were happy for the first year, give or take, but then, I don't know... It just went downhill. I think she met another guy. So, I divorced her last year in November and that's the end. And also, she said she was going to visit her parents. I haven't heard anything from her since."

My head aches. I need to cut this conversation short. "Okay, well, thanks for the update on her."

"Sure. Hope you find your sister." He adds.

_What! Oh, right.. _And I hang up.

Jesus. What a day! I walk into the kitchen in search of a snack. The fruit bowl looks fine. I take one orange and one apple.

Back at my desk, I remember at work, Ana's glider sits beside my laptop. That reminds me... Phone in hand, I scroll to Barney's number.

"Afternoon, Mr. Grey." He answers.

"Barney, can you make a stand for a model glider? Particularly, a glass stand?"

"Yes. What's the make?"

"It's a L-23 Blanik. The scale is 1:72." I read from the box it came in, which I can't bear to throw in the trash. Also, I give him the FFA registration number. I end the call and scroll to Andrea's number.

"Andrea, I need you to clear my schedule for the rest of the week starting now." I state firmly. "Everything."

"Consider it done, sir."

Alright. Work is done for now and out of the way. What to do now? _Hmph_. _What would I be doing if Ana was here? _I don't even know.

Back to my phone, in my contact list, my thumb hovers over Ana's name. I press it... Could I call her? Just to hear her voice?What the hell would I even say if she picked up?

_"Hi Ana. Listen, I'm sorry I hit you. It won't happen again. Will you please come back?"_

Bah! Pathetic, Grey. I push the thought away that makes me angry. Whatever. I think I need to workout with Bastille. It's been awhile. I buzz Taylor.

"Sir?" He answers.

"I'm going to workout with Bastille. I'll be ready in 10." I say.

"Alright. I'll get the Audi ready."

Packing my workout gear, I am filled with a strange feeling of tension and I don't understand why. It's very overwhelming.

Taylor is already outside at the car, holding the door open. I climb inside.

...

At the gym, Bastille and I begin running laps. Out of nowhere, I imagine running to Anastasia's apartment. Bastille falling far behind. "Grey! Whoa! Slow down!" He calls. But I don't stop. I keep at it until I finish my third lap and him barely starting his second lap. He stops me before I take the fourth. "Grey! What the hell was that?!"

Panting heavily, I catch my breath. "What?"

He glares at me. "You just took off! It's not very healthy to push your body like that!"

I roll my eyes, sipping some water. "I had a focus going for me, Bastille. It's _**my **_body."

" 'Focus' or not, keep your mind on what your body says. You need to be aware." He keeps his stare at me. His eyebrows furrowed. "Come on. Two more laps. Keep a pace."

After Bastille finishes his set of laps, we enter the ring. As I throw the first jab with my left, Bastille dodges to his right, I catch him off balance with a swift kick to his left leg. He stumbles a bit. I follow up with a punch to his shoulder and then one to his midsection.

Lucky we have on gloves and helmets.

He stumbles back. "Damn, Grey. I wonder what's gotten into you."

I smirk, with newfound energy. "My focus." _Damn right, my focus. My Ana._

"Whatever your focus is... Bring it on, Grey." He circles around.

"I intend to." I lurch forward, intending to swift punch to distract. Bastille blocks, then I use my free fist to strike a hit to his head.

...

We both call it after four hours. Bastille wraps a cloth around his neck, downs a full bottle of water and packs his workout gear. "Nice match today, Grey."

I chuckle. "Bullshit. You only call it a 'nice' match if I knock you on your ass."

"Yeah. My _badass_." He sneers and I laugh again.

"Which I knocked down thrice today." I linger with sarcasm.

He rolls his eyes and I produce my cellphone. "Taylor, I'll be out in 5."

Bastille and I part ways.

Taylor approaches me holding a small, white cube box in his hand. "This came for you, Mr. Grey. Barney gave it to me before he went home."

I take the box and open it. Inside, it contains the glass stand for the glider. I have to set this up. "I need to head into my office. Just a quick run." Taylor nods as I turn to the doors of the GREY HOUSE. I quick walk to my office, stepping out of the elevator. The girls working night shifts eye me, constantly staring, tucking strands of hair behind their ears and smiling at me.

_Sorry, ladies, I ain't for your eyes. _I avoid their gaze.

In my office, I take out the stand from the box. The glass looks so pure and clean. Engraved on the bottom platform is the registration number. I place the stand next to my laptop and grab Ana's glider from the opposite side. Placing it on carefully, making sure it fits and doesn't fall, I move it back to it's original place. I marvel at it's existence.

_A perfect gift from the perfect girl. __**My **__perfect girl._

Heading back down and out of the building, I climb into the back of the Audi and await the journey back home.

...

The elevator doors ping and open and I'm greeted with a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen and for the first time since yesterday... I'm _very_ hungry. Hmm. Maybe it's just because of my workout?

Gail states that it's just finished. She fixes me a plate. Eager as ever, I devour dinner. Steak and sweet potatoes. She has done well.

After dinner, and Gail and Taylor's departures, I take to my room to shower before heading to bed.

I stand under the hot water. Little hot droplets coat my skin, rinsing the day off me. Oh, hell, I could just stay in here forever. Eventually, I turn off the water and dry off, putting on my bed clothes. The sight of the bed sends worries deep in me.

_Nightmare or Dream?_

Right now, I couldn't give a fuck. I just want to sleep. Laying under the covers, I notice my sheets have been washed. With not a care the world, I fall asleep.

...

Alone. I am alone.  
There is no one here with me.  
It is only me.  
When is Mommy coming home?  
He took my Mommy away. My Ana.  
I hate him.  
He hurt my Mommy.  
In my room, I crawl on my bed.  
Sometimes when Mommy is gone, I sleep in my bed and when I wake up, she is here. I want my Mommy here.  
There is a loud thump.  
I wake up.  
The front door slams shut. I hear footsteps.  
Mommy must be home! I listen at the door.  
I open the door and peek out from my room.  
No. He is still here with Mommy.  
I wish he would go away. And leave Mommy and me alone. Forever.  
He pushes Ana down. He hits Mommy again.  
She has tears in her eyes.  
Ana cries.  
I run out and hit him.  
I hit him the hardest I can.  
He laughs and pushes me down.  
I hurt my head.

"You're a small, tiny, little shit! You can't and will NEVER hurt me! Retard!" He laughs again. "She's not yours! She's MINE! SHE DOESN'T BELONG... WITH YOU!" He yells. Loud. "You fuck everything up!"

I have had enough! I stand up and I am now bigger and taller than him.  
My hands turn into fists and I hit him harder than before. He falls to the ground. I punch his face repeatedly.

I yell as loud as I can. "SHE IS MINE! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH HER! SHE DOES BELONG WITH ME BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME! AND... I LOVE HER!"

He gets up and runs out the door. Ana turns to me and hugs me. She kisses me passionately. "I love you, Christian."

My Ana. I love you, too.


	8. Three Nights (Part 3)

**Chapter Soundtrack: **Nothing I've Ever Known - Bryan Adams

I am already awake before my mind and body come to terms with it.

Slowly, my eyes open, blinking a few times to get them fully focused. For some odd reason, I feel... calm. Different, in a way, as if a tremendous weight has been lifted from me. Laying on my front, I turn over, sitting up. I look around my room. Morning sun rays pass through my window. _Is it different or is it just me? Why?_

It all comes back to me. _My Dream. _Could it have been? I can't be too sure, though.

In my dream, I recall being alone and I was still a boy... Ana wasn't there... _**He **_took her away... They came back... _**He **_started going off again... I-I came to Ana's rescue... and then we kissed... My eyes widen. _Oh. My. God. _I said I loved her! A strong, tingly, fluttery feeling invades my gut.

But, it was a just a dream! It can't possibly mean anything!

_Yeah. Tell yourself that, Grey. Which is more than you can say for those nightmares of yours..._

Scrambling out of bed, I search for laundered clothes and hop into the shower. Perhaps I need another session with Flynn? Maybe by phone this time? Ah, screw it! Just forget it, Grey!

Lathering myself with my body wash, I ponder something. I remember how Ana was attracted to my scent. One instance, where I gave her my jacket and she clung to it tightly. Her eyes closed, inhaling my scent. _Hmm. I wonder what my scent is... _Ana's scent is... I don't think there is even a word to describe it but it still bounces in my memory from time to time, committed to memory. Closing my eyes, I can almost smell her.

_I love you, Ana..._

Hell! Where did that come from?! The strange fluttery feeling rises up again. I shudder from fear of the unknown. I step out and clothe myself.

Today is my last day alone before I will be able to see her again. I feel nervous and excited. There is so much I have to do to prepare for tomorrow. But first, I'm going to check on her and I am definitely walking this damn time!

"Breakfast, Mr. Grey?" Gale asks as I walk out of my room.

She has prepared croissants and scrambled eggs. As much as I hate myself for declining straight up, I tell her I'll eat when I return.

"Very well. I'll keep it warmed up for you." She says.

...

Her apartment window is warmed and bathed in orange by the sunlight. I wonder if she has woken and showered yet. Perhaps I can knock on her door and tell her of tomorrow. Hmm. That's probably not a good idea. I could do something I'd regret.

_I don't want to hurt her again..._

I'm sitting across her building, perched on a bench. Unexpectedly, the main doors open. My breathing hitches and my heart leaps into my throat, tightening... in a good way. _Ana? _I catch sight of a couple, around their mid twenties, both with dirty blonde hair, walking out. I study them and eye a certain shine on their hands. Left hands to be exact.

_Wedding rings._

I envy them. All kissy and flirty, hands all over each other... Touching, which sends a cold chill through me. More so, they look behind them smiling at what is their child. A little boy who looks to be 5 or 6-ish years old with a school backpack draped over his shoulders. I watch, fascinated, at this young family.

"Bye, Daddy!" The little boy hugs his father as he's held in his arms. The father kisses the mother before getting into the car and driving off to work.

The mother takes her son's hand and proceeds to walk him to school... or to a bus stop. I don't know which.

Could that be me and Ana one day? _Of course not, Grey! You're too fucked up to raise a family!_

My thoughts take a dark turn. I shake my head and lift myself up to walk back home. I take one last look at Ana's window. _Soon, Ana. Soon._

_I love you..._

...

Breakfast has been filling and delicious. Well done, Mrs. Jones!

It's just before 11 a.m. and I get a call from my mother, regarding my father's 'Coping Together' annual charity.

"I don't know if I will make it this year." I lie.

"Oh dear. I hope you can. You've been so busy with work and such other things. You could bring Anastasia with you if you'd like." She teases.

"We'll see, Mother. I think I can push some things around."

"Okay. Call us if you're attending. Bye, dear."

"Bye, Mother."

God, I feel guilty for lying. The truth is I want Ana there with me because I want her, need her.

_And because I love her..._

That's it. I need to talk to Flynn. I dial his number.

"Hey Flynn, it's me." I say blantly.

"Christian?" He questions. "I don't have you listed for any appointments today."

"Whatever. I need help with something. I need someone to talk to. Please. I don't care if I need to pay fucking extra here, Doc!" I sound so desperate and panicked.

"Calm down, Christian! What time would be best for you to come in?"

"I prefer a phone session. Simple as that." I snap and grit my teeth. "Right. Now."

"Of course. Just hold on." He says.

I can hear the metallic clicks of the opening of his file cabinet. Then, I hear it close. Next is the sound of shuffling papers.

"So... What brought you to call me? Other than just the friendly 'Hello'. " Flynn jokes.

I roll my eyes. "God, I don't know where to begin."

"Take your time, Christian."

There is a good 30 second brief pause between us for some time.

"It's about Ana. I have these 'feelings' for her that won't go away."

_Come on, spit it out, Christian!_

"I-I.. _love _her, Flynn." I say, defeated. "But I'm frightened."

"There is nothing wrong with admitting 'love'." I imagine him shrugging his shoulders.

I can feel my voice breaking. "I'm not worthy of love! I don't know how to love! I know nothing of love!"

"Christian, we always see the worst in ourselves. Our most vulnerable selves. We need someone else to get close enough to tell us we're wrong. Someone we trust. We are all mistaken sometimes. We do wrong things, things that have bad consequences. But it does not mean we are evil, or that we cannot be trusted ever afterward."

My gut twists and tightens in the bad way and my throat feels dry. "I told you what I foolishly did to her. The punishment. How can _she_ trust _me_ after that?!"

"Relationships are mysterious. We doubt the positive qualities in others, seldom the negative. When someone is angry or depressed, you don't doubt it for a moment. Yet the reverse should be true. We should doubt the negative in life, and have faith in the positive."

I think I just had a goddamn breakthrough! Never did I think his long time psycho-babble would ever help me.

"Think of it this way..." Flynn continues. "How much does she mean to you?"

"More."

"And how much do you think you mean to her?" He asks.

"More." _Oh God, so fucking much!_

Realization comes forth. I feel even more lighter than before. The weird tingly feeling is back.

"Sometimes you realize too late what you're looking for is what you just let go. In your case and Anastasia's... It was 'Love'."

"But why me? What have I done to deserve it, yet have it taken away from me at the same time?!"

"Nothing has taken love away from you, Christian. You merely overlooked it. There's a saying, 'It's the littlest things that can make a big difference'. How you find and use those little details can help you in the long-term."

An earlier statement speaks loud and clear when Ana was first in the playroom. My voice. _"Most of your fear is in your head." _I was speaking to both of us. My fear of hurting her. Her fear of me and my lifestyle.

"We all have determination in us. Yours, along with some others, is the rarest of them all. You're filled with a drive. No matter what, you take the road ahead and accomplish it. Sometimes, there is the road less travelled. To know that road ahead is to know the people coming back."

"I guess you're right. There are so many new things I want to know about Ana, and vice-versa."

"You are more than capable, Christian. Our time is up. Please, take a chance. You might surprise yourself."

"Will do, Flynn."

I ring up Welch.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Grey. What can I do for you?"

"Send me the format for Seattle Independent Publishing emails."

"Alright."

"Thank you."

As Welch does his thing, I venture to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of sparkling water. I return and set to work on emailing Ana. She's still at work. My stomach is in knots. She'll respond better in writing. She wouldn't be in editing if not for her love of literature.

_You can do this, Grey. Keep it casual. Be yourself but too much._

_..._

**From: **Christian Grey**  
Subject: **Tomorrow**  
Date: **June 8, 2011 14:05**  
To: **Anastasia Steele****

Dear Anastasia,

Forgive this intrusion at work. I hope that it's going well. Did you get my flowers?

I note that tomorrow is the gallery opening for your friend's show, and I'm sure you've not had time to purchase a car, and it's a long drive. I would be more than happy to take you- Should you wish.

Let me know.

Christian Grey  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

...

My heart is pounding hard against my chest. The familiar lump forming in my throat. Every sound stops and all I can hear is the sound of my own erratic breathing. My thoughts take a dark turn and the fear of my self-doubt too.

_Will she talk to me?_

_Have I frightened her more with my email?_

_Has she found someone else?_

Then, from nowhere, the worst case scenario creeps into my mind:

_She's at work. Reading my email. She laughs it off as if to say 'Really? How desperate are you, Christian?' Then she deletes it._

I feel like I'm going to vomit. Maybe that's why she's not responding. She deleted my email. I've really chased her away. _There's no more hope for you, Grey._

I sit and I sit for the longest time, being like an eternity. Just as I'm about to log off my laptop. The _ping _of an incoming email. I brace myself as I click my inbox marked with a '**1 New**'.

Life has been breathed into me once more. Ana. The woman I... _love._

...

**From:** Anastasia Steele  
**Subject:** Tomorrow  
**Date:** June 8, 2011 14:25  
**To:** Christian Grey

Hi Christian.

Thank you for the flowers; they are lovely.

Yes, I would appreciate a lift.

Thank you.

Anastasia Steele  
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP.

...

Just a 'nice' little email is all I receive from her. I was hoping for something... _more. _But all in all, I'm glad she's talking to me again. _Savour the moment, Grey. You're not out of the woods yet._

_..._

**From:** Christian Grey  
**Subject:** Tomorrow  
**Date:** June 8, 2011 14:27  
**To:** Anastasia Steele

What time shall I pick you up?

Christian Grey  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

...

I have so much to prepare for.

...

**From:** Anastasia Steele  
**Subject:** Tomorrow  
**Date:** June 8, 2011 14:32  
**To:** Christian Grey

José's show starts at 7:30. What time would you suggest?

Anastasia Steele  
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP.

...

I want to prolong my time with her. _Yeah, we'll go with Charlie Tango._

...

**From:** Christian Grey  
**Subject:** Tomorrow  
**Date:** June 8, 2011 14:34  
**To:** Anastasia Steele

Dear Anastasia,

Portland is some distance away. I shall pick you up at 5:45.

I look forward to seeing you.

Christian Grey  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

...

_...Because I love you._

...

**From:** Anastasia Steele  
**Subject:** Tomorrow  
**Date:** June 8, 2011 14:38  
**To:** Christian Grey

See you then.

Anastasia Steele  
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP.

...

Hmm. Mr. Jack Hyde, huh? Let's see who this fucker is.

"Welch." I say when he picks up.

"What's up now, Grey?"

"I need you to run a background check for 'Jack Hyde' at Seattle Independent Publishing and send me whatever you find via email."

"I'll see to it."

"Thank you. And the backgrounds checks of his employees."

"Will that be all?"

"Do you have any latest iPads or iPods?"

"Not at the moment. Sorry."

"It's alright. I'll you to your work."

I buzz Taylor. "Sir." He greets.

"I need to head to the Mac store."

"There's one on Northeast Forty-Fifth."

"Excellent."

...

Ana's words ring in my head. _"Mr. Grey. You are the ultimate consumer."_

I have spent the rest of the afternoon, and mid-evening, up and down through the list of my iTunes, carefully selecting what my songs have to offer. Her dancing in my kitchen. _What was she listening to?_ Her bopping along to the Foo Fighters in the car. The Marcello Bach piece she asks me to play. Thomas Tallis when we were in the playroom. Man, seems like I'm making her a soundtrack of our lives.

I made sure her blackberry and laptop are fully charged for tomorrow to go along with her new iPad.

Placing a sticky note on the iPad, I write:

**"Anastasia- This is for you.  
I know what you want to hear.  
The music on here says it for me.  
Christian"**

I wonder if she'll accept these. I gave her flowers, just like in those hopeless romantic stories she's read. I'm not ready to give her my heart. Not yet, anyway. She already gave me hers, though.

Nevertheless, I change clothes and head to bed, anxious for today to vanish for it to be tomorrow.

...

"Promise me. That's all I want."

Her voice echos in all directions.

"Ana, where are you?"

"Promise that you will never forget me."

"Ana!" I am running in black abyss. Darkness surrounds me.

"Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life."

"I love you!" I shout.

She appears. My Ana appears.  
I can see her. Touch her. Smell her.  
My Ana is with me now.  
She's home. I'm home.  
We're home.  
Together.

"Losing you was hard enough. I don't want to go on knowing I meant absolutely nothing to you."

"I love you." I say.

"Promise you won't leave me."

"I love you..."

...

**A/N: Hey Fifties! I'm back and so is this story. I was going to update a couple months ago, but you know, the holidays and the Fifty Christmas story was in it's prime. I hope you aren't too upset with me but, I understand if you are.**


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